Category Archives: mama-hood

I Choose Gratitude…

Posted on by
8

Some days I just don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like doing the mom-thing. The wife-thing. The writer-thing. I just want to curl up by the fireplace with a good book and disappear for a while. And I’ve learned over the years that it’s okay to feel that way. It’s pretty normal, actually.

4736024090_f6f4ef013d_b

That doesn’t usually mean I get to disappear for a while. But just knowing that I’m not a bad mom-wife-writer for wanting to, makes me feel better.

 

We all have those days…you know…the ones where the baseball uniforms are still dirty twenty minutes before you have to leave, and Eight and Eleven are arguing constantly photoabout who is the better hitter, when Fifteen comes down the stairs and says, “I need to be at work in forty minutes.” (Now you’re contemplating how you are supposed to be in two places at once, while calmly scolding Fifteen for not letting you know sooner.) And no one has had dinner yet and all that’s in the fridge is cheese, milk and a two week old apple. So you realize you’ll be driving the boys to baseball in one direction then driving back past home and going the other direction to take Fifteen to work and buying everyone fast food along the way. Then you hear your hubby’s voice, in one of those bubbles over your head, saying “We really need to save money and the best way to do that is to conserve gas by streamlining your errands and planning ahead for dinners.” Sigh.

 

Yes…those days. We all have them. Some of us have them more often than not. And those are the days when I desperately need a dose of perspective. As frustrating and annoying as all those little things are, they are part of being a mom. I signed up for this and one day I’ll look back and be glad I did. Even if, right now, I’m questioning the sanity of that decision. Perspective tells me that I’ve got it pretty good and in the grand scheme of things, I have nothing to complain about. My kids are great kids. My husband is loving and supportive. And I know God cares about me. Short of tattooing it on my arm, I need to find a way to turn my attitude toward gratitude. (I have been mulling over the thought of a tattoo.  That would certainly be a good reminder!)

4979586231_dc5de880e1_b

 

I may not want to clean my house, but then I think of the women I know, half a world away, who sweep their dirt floors every day to keep them tidy. (Literally, they sweep the dirt off of the dirt.) I may think I’m going to combust if I listen to one more petty argument about who gets the front seat, but then I think of the friend who desperately wanted children and never could have them. I may be annoyed with hubby when I think he’s being mule-headed (cuz he is, of course ;) ) but then I think of the friend who lost her husband suddenly and way too soon.

 

I’m not having a great day, today. I’m really frustrated. But if I go through this day wallowing in that messy place, at the end of the day, things won’t be any better because I’ve wallowed. However, if I lift my eyes and offer a prayer of thanks for the good in my life. If I go from attitude to gratitude…the problem I’m dealing with will probably still be here when I put my head on the pillow. But I will have had a much better day in the process. And those around me will, too. So, I choose gratitude.

How about you? What are your perspective bringers? How do you shift into gratitude? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

 

Photo credit: Reading by the Fire by moonlighbulb on creative commons & Gratitude tattoo by gisele13 on creative commons.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2013

Just Jump! (Five Minute Friday)

Posted on by
24

Five minutes…Go!

Jump.

Jump is scary to me. I think of standing on a cliff…water below, crashing against the sides of the cliff. And for some reason, I’m supposed to jump. But I’m scared to take that leap. I can even feel the butterflies in my stomach as I write.

There’s a part of me that is outgoing and loves change. But there is another part that doesn’t like to put myself out there to try new things. I don’t want to look foolish so I don’t want to try whatever it is that people are telling me to do. It’s usually physical things.

I was clumsy and awkward as a kid. I was the one picked last in gym class. I excelled in things that required writing or singing or anything academic or artistic. But physical education, coordination, any of those kinds of things…just didn’t come naturally.

I don’t know when I realized it but it was some time in the last year or two…I still avoid those things that I think will make me look foolish….like I’m back in gym class with a red face cuz no one wants me on their team.

So when my eight year old asked me to jump on the trampoline today, my first instinct was to say no. But then I decided…why not? I need to do more of those kinds of things with my kids. They need to see me laughing and having fun. So we jumped together…we laughed and I think that was the first time I was ever picked first for someone’s team ;)

photo credit: Charlotte.Morrall on Creative Commons

photo credit: Charlotte.Morrall on Creative Commons

Stop. Time’s up!

This post is inspired by Lisa-Jo Baker’s Five Minute Fridays. The idea being that one prompt word is given on Friday and hundreds of bloggers take 5 minutes to write on the subject. No editing…no perfecting. Just five minutes of writing. (If you’re one of my blogging friends, why not join in?)

love,

rebekah

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2013

Mom, Can I Have a Hug? (Five Minute Friday)

Posted on by
8
Me and my boys...chillin together, enjoying the here and now.

Me and my boys…chillin together, enjoying the here and now.

Prompt word: Here. Five minutes…Go.

Here. Makes me think of being here…in the present. Too often I’m not. I’m ruminating over the past or dreaming about the future. My 11-year-old is really good at pulling me in to the here and now.

photoI’ll be fast and furious, fingers flying across my keyboard…emails to be answered, blog posts to write, twitter to check, Facebook to update when suddenly I feel a soft hand on my back. “Mom, can I have a hug?”

If I’m really focused on my MacBook screen I’ll give him a little side hug. And he’ll call me on it every time. “Mom, can I have a real hug?”

 

 

Every time it pulls me into the here. Into the now. I turn away from the shiny screen and look my boy in the eyes. I wrap my arms around him and squeeze. He whispers, “You’re so warm.” It’s his way of saying thank you.

I know that I have to learn from the past and I have to plan for the future. But I don’t want to miss the now. I want to be here for my kids.

How ’bout you? Do you struggle to be here…to be present?

 

Stop. Time’s up!

This post is inspired by Lisa-Jo Baker’s Five Minute Fridays. The idea being that one prompt word is given on Friday and hundreds of bloggers take 5 minutes to write on the subject. No editing…no perfecting. Just five minutes of writing. (If you’re one of my blogging friends, why not join in?)

love,

rebekah

 

 

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2013

Successful at My Funeral

Posted on by
14
Photo Credit: It's_JoJo @ creative commons

Photo Credit: It’s_JoJo @ creative commons

I end too many days feeling like a failure and I think I’ve figured out why. Most of the things I’m good at won’t be measurable until my funeral. Seriously. And most of the things I’m bad at are measured every day. So I often find myself rehearsing a mental list of all the ways I don’t measure up. And to be honest, I give myself a lot of material because I do suck at a lot of things.

No, really. I do. I’m fully aware of it and I’m not saying that so you’ll say, “Oh Rebekah, that’s not true.” Trust me, these are true:

I’m bad at keeping my house picked up, putting away laundry and planning meals…staying on a diet of any kind (gluten-free, low-carb, low-glycemic…I’m an equal opportunity cheater), remembering where I put my keys, purse, coat and shoes not to mention permission slips, checkbook, tax bills, etc.

I’m bad at showing up on time, sticking to a schedule, sticking to a budget and planning ahead. I hate talking on the phone and shopping….going to bed on time and getting up early.

I rarely remember to do any of the following on time: check the water meter (even with those nice little postcard reminders), get my oil changed, renew my registration or get my van inspected.

With pretty much anything that has to do with time management, self-discipline or accomplishing tasks…I suck. 

I have tried for as long as I can remember to get better at these things…and I’m still trying. I’m not one to say, “Well, I can never get better at that cuz this is just who I am.” I know we can all grow in our weak areas and if I look back over the years, I do see improvement in some of my weaknesses. But overall…I still suck when it comes to tasks.

But people. I’m good with people. I’m good at making friends, being helpful and patient. I’m good at teaching, encouraging and leading. I’m good at being in the moment and knowing just what to say…at sensing what people need and anticipating issues. I’m good at diplomatically solving disputes…seeing the heart of a situation and offering solutions. I’m good at loving people. I’m good at spending time with people (especially at Panera Bread or Carrabba’s Italian Grill ;) ).

And I’m really good at connecting people (one friend even told me it was my super-power!). Have you heard of the game, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon…where anyone in the film industry can be linked to Kevin Bacon in six steps or less? Well I seem to know a lot of people and I’ve been told we could play a Six Degrees of Rebekah game…at least in the Buffalo/Rochester area.

So to sum up; Task skills…I suck. People skills…I rock. And therein lies the problem. Tasks are measurable. We have check-lists, promotions, awards and accolades linked to how well we accomplish tasks. But people skills? Not so much. There is no measurement for encouraging a friend or soothing a child’s fears. There are no awards given for diffusing a conflict amongst peers or bringing a friend a latte when she’s having a rough day. There are intrinsic rewards…you feel good when you do these things. But they aren’t measurable or check-list-able (yes, I’m aware that’s not a word…but you get my point.) And yet, they are still important. The time that I invest in my family and friends may not win me awards or make me feel like I’ve accomplished a lot in my day but those minutes matter. 

I have to remind myself that over time I will see the results. My kids are growing and already I can see glimpses of what kind of adults they will be. We have days where I think they must have been raised among wolves. But other days they blow me away with their wisdom, courage and leadership skills. And I think my focus on encouraging, loving and leading people has played a role in their character development. That makes me smile.

The other day I was being particularly hard on myself…feeling like I don’t do much well. I was surrounded by clutter in my son’s room and I was trying to organize all the…stuff. I was brutally comparing myself to my more organized friends and more organized husband when my eight year old came upstairs, lip quivering, pulling his hand from behind his back. Firmly suctioned onto his index finger was a small PVC tube. Knowing my fiercely independent son, I’d guess he’d been trying to get it off for at least twenty minutes before facing the embarrassment of admitting his predicament.

I looked at him calmly and smiled. I assured him it was no big deal and that we’d have it off in no time. He was so scared.

“What if you can’t get it off?” He said through tears.

“We’ll get it off, no worries buddy.” I told him as I walked him down the stairs to the kitchen. I poured some olive oil on it and gave it a minute to soak in, all the while reassuring him that he’d be fine. After a few minutes of carefully working on it I got the tube off and tossed it in the trash. I washed his oily hands, gave him a hug and he was off to finish his TV show.

I watched him walk away and I thought about how calm I was. I didn’t yell at him for getting stuck. (What were you thinking?) I didn’t get stressed and let him see my concern. (We may have to take you to the doctor and get it cut off!) I just soothed him and told him it would be fine. As I headed back upstairs a whispered thought came to me, “You were really good at that.” And I took comfort in that one small success, with a smile, thinking that I was probably even better at it than my organized friends.

So what about you? What are you good at that can’t be measured? We all have gifts that can’t be measured on a spreadsheet…but those things still matter.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2013

Overthrow Those Dictators!

Posted on by
6

Do you ever feel like you’re coming unglued? Like you’re losing it and you can almost see the situation from a distance, knowing you should stop and regroup but you don’t? Your emotions are in control of your brain and they are not slowing down. I’ve never felt like that but I’ve heard about it. Ha! Okay, so I may have experienced this once or twice which is why I was immediately drawn to Lysa TerKeurst’s new book, “Unglued; Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions.”

As with any issue that we are trying to work on in our lives, we can get caught up in the myth of perfectionism and quit before we see any progress. We quit trying at the first sign of failure because we don’t like feeling like a failure. We think, “If I can’t do it right, I’m not going to bother trying.” So if we’re trying to control our tongue and we keep messing up and losing our temper, we may say, “Forget it. I’m just a hot head.” We settle.

But something Lysa says in this book gave me so much hope in dealing not just with my emotions, but with any area of my life that I want to improve. She talks about the idea of imperfect progress. We don’t have to be perfect, we just have to be progressing. I struggle with my emotions in spurts. I wouldn’t say it’s a consuming issue for me, but I do struggle with self-discipline daily. In a huge way.

I have totally fallen into the perfection trap. Because I’ve tried to work on this area for so many years I can easily get discouraged and just get to a point where I say, “Forget it, I’ll never conquer this. I’m just a disorganized mess!” But when I view my struggle in light of imperfect progress, I feel encouraged. I can look back and see that I am definitely more self-controlled than I was five years ago. I am making progress. And I will continue to do so.

As I’ve said, emotions aren’t always a struggle for me. But when “Seventeen” and I get into a bad place with each other (she’s my strong-willed one), I can easily fall into a pattern of saying things I don’t want to say. It can get ugly. And then I feel defeated. This was one of those weeks. So when I read the following paragraph in Lysa’s book, it hit home:

“But it’s hard to display self-control when someone else does things out of my control that yank my emotions into a bad place. So, here’s one little tidbit I’m learning. When someone else’s actions or statements threaten to pull me into a bad place, I have a choice. I do. It may not feel like it. In fact, it may feel like I am a slave to my feelings -but I am not. Remember, feelings are indicators, not dictators. They can indicate there is a situation I need to deal with, but they shouldn’t dictate how I react. I have a choice.” -Unglued pg. 72 (emphasis mine)

Wow…what a thought. My feelings should not be allowed to be dictators! I can choose to act in a better way than my emotions would choose. I can choose to stay in control of myself because when I don’t, the enemy wins. I know I don’t win because I feel horrible that I lost my temper and said things I regret. My daughter probably feels the same. So we are letting the enemy win in our relationship and that just can’t go on. 1 Peter 5:8 says,

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

I don’t want to be devoured, do you?

So, I have to be ready with an alternative to spewing whatever my emotions want to say. Lysa suggests putting some Bible verses in the notes section of your cell phone so you can call them up at a moment’s notice. (She’s so smart…how does she know that I’m more likely to do anything if it’s related to my iPhone? :) ) That’s my goal for today. I’m going to find some verses that will help me gain control of my emotions in those heated moments and I’m going to put them in my iPhone.

Wanna join me? Leave a comment with the verses you choose. Let’s be self-controlled together, shall we?

Love ya,

rebekah

 

P.S. I’m taking an Online Bible Study via Melissa Taylor’s blog. Over 15,000 of us are reading Unglued and discussing. Check it out here.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012

One Month Down…

Posted on by
3

This is what my youngest’s room looked like almost every day in September without me having to say a word. Wish I had started this with them years ago!

Hey friends!

Today is an update for my 12 Month Experiment to Rid My House of Youth Entitlement inspired by Kay Wills Wyma’s book “Cleaning House.” If you don’t know what I’m talking about, click here to read my original post.

Well, I have to say I’m impressed with my youngest two. You would have thought they would be the ones to struggle with daily making of beds and de-cluttering of floors. But no. As a matter of fact, “Eight” and “Ten” each missed only one day (not counting the day that I completely overslept…past the bus arrival and everything! I gave a freebie on that day. My bad, after all.)

 

And the score is…Little kids kicked big kids’ butts!

The teens…well…they were another story. “Seventeen” started off strong. As I mentioned in a previous post, she was up at 5:40 a.m. on the first day of school to make sure she had her room clean. Impressive start. And she did well for a while but fell off the wagon two thirds of the way through. “Fifteen” had a slow start…strong middle and then fell off again until the last day of the month when dad saw his pig-pen…I mean bedroom…and suffice it to say that Bill’s scary eyebrows made an appearance and I passed the message along. It went something like, “Tell Fourteen that if he wants to celebrate his fifteenth birthday tomorrow, I’d better be able to see his floor when I get home from work tonight.” And as if by magic…it was clean by bedtime. I was waiting to let the money (or lack thereof) do the talking. But Bill’s scary eyebrows did the trick.

In the end, the youngest two have made bedroom maintenance a habit. The older two are working on it and probably didn’t like their brothers getting significantly more money than they did this month. And I have to add that even on the days when Seventeen didn’t get credit because her bed wasn’t made or there was laundry on the floor…her bedroom was cleaner this month than it’s ever been and that is a success story, even if it doesn’t show up on the chart. (Nice job darlin ;) ) Now we are on to Kitchen month.

They still need to keep up with bedrooms but now we are adding kitchen jobs. I chose 4 after-dinner jobs that I wanted them to work on and I will rotate them through-out the month…one job for a week then switch. Next week we will add meal planning and prep to our tasks. The first time they each make a dinner, I will partner with them. The next week they will be teamed up (Seventeen with Ten and Fifteen with Eight). The third week I’ll let most of them do it solo. Should be interesting and I’ll keep you posted.

I know a number of you are doing this along with me so please feel free to update us on your progress or share any ideas you have!

I’m off on a 4-day get-away with hubby (long over-due and greatly anticipated!). Fall foliage…here we come! I’ll check in when I get back. In the meantime, hope you’re enjoying crisp fall weather, pumpkin spice lattes and maybe even some football (or at least the football snacks…that’s what I show up for ;) )

Love,

rebekah

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012

True Self-Esteem?

Posted on by
Reply

Fourteen and Seventeen on the first day of school..and the first day of our 12-Month Experiment

Ten and Eight…first day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So apparently, getting rid of youth entitlement strikes a chord. My post from September 1st called, “I’m Robbing My Kids” has been shared more on Facebook than any other post from my blog.

I think this hits people because we see it everywhere. From the grocery store to the middle school to Facebook…we see the result of years of being told we need to instill self-esteem in our children by telling them how wonderful they are. We need to tell them they are special and amazing and unique. And while those things are good things…telling children these things while doing everything for them sets them up to feel like fakers. I think of the times my mom helped me with school projects. She was trying to be helpful…but she’s also a creative, control freak and wanted it to look good. Looking back, I’d have to say she helped too much (sorry mom!). I know the intentions were good. But when I got a great grade, I felt like I didn’t deserve it. I felt like a faker. (As a result, my poor children rarely get any help with their homework. And you know what? They are all great students!)

Understand, I’m not saying our sense of worth should come from what we do. Not saying we should feel that we have to perform to gain love and acceptance. I don’t believe that. But the opposite of that…doing nothing and being told you’re amazing is also harmful. Because kids are excellent “BS” detectors. They recognize that something doesn’t add up. When we praise them, all the while stepping in and doing their work for them because we can do it faster and better, we are sending mixed messages and we are setting them up for a rude awakening once they leave the protective shell of home sweet home.

I think most of us instinctively know that the system we grew up in is broken. So most of the people I know are not the over-coddling, do-everything-for-your-kids kind of parents. They are somewhere in between the old “self-esteem boosting” system and the place where they want to be. Because they know something’s wrong. They try to instill all the right things in their kids but at the same time, they often feel guilty making their kids work. (Or they are control freaks and would rather do it themselves than take the time to teach their kids how to do it properly because that takes waaaay more patience….GUILTY).

When I read the first half of Kay Wyma’s book, Cleaning House…A Mom’s 12-Month Experiment to rid her home of Youth Entitlement, it was like a lightbulb went off. I wasn’t in the camp that felt guilty making my kids work. I knew it was good for them and I’ve always made them do chores. But as I’ve admitted above, I am a control freak and I want to do it right. I don’t want to have to take the time necessary to teach my kids how to do certain things because I’m impatient. So while they have always had to do a number of chores, I kept it very simple. I rarely let them do harder things because, honestly, it required more work on my part. So the epiphany was that by doing the harder things for my kids, I was telling them I didn’t think they were capable. How unfair is that when I never took the time to help them become capable in the first place? 

That’s why I’m so excited to be doing this 12-Month experiment. Because I feel like this gives me a purpose. “Seventeen” will be graduating this year and there are still things I can teach her, it’s not too late. And “Eight,” “Ten,” and “Fourteen” are still young enough that I have time to help them gain true self-esteem. The kind that comes by satisfaction in a job well done. The kind that comes by mastering a skill by putting in hours and hours of practice. The kind that comes from pushing through the hard parts and achieving victory rather than sitting down in frustration and waiting for a rescue. These lessons are more important than my control issues. I’m learning to relax. To let them make mistakes. To be fine with imperfect progress.

Now it’s the 7th of the month, but we are only on day 4 because we started on the first day of school. For the two days before school started, bedrooms were in complete flux. My sister moved out, so the easy road would have been for “Ten” to have moved back into his bedroom (he’d been sleeping on the couch in the basement. Don’t cry for him. He didn’t mind. That’s where the 55-inch television is!). But that’s not what happened. “Seventeen” decided she wanted a smaller room. So she asked for “Ten’s” old room. “Fourteen” took her old room and “Ten” was psyched to get “Fourteen’s” room because it has a restaurant booth in it. “Eight” is my steady, organized one and he never even considered asking for a different room so he stayed put. But, he did get a gazillion Legos for his birthday and they were strewn across his floor the night before school started.

So considering all the room swapping going on, you would have thought that no one would have been ready for the first Dollar Day where they would keep the dollar in their jar if their beds were made and clutter was off the bedroom floor. But “Eight” stayed up an hour later  on Monday to make his room spotless. And “Seventeen” got up at 5:20 a.m. on the first day of school to get hers in order. Yes, you heard me, 5:20 a.m.! I was duly impressed. And they have kept their rooms clean.

“Fourteen” has yet to earn his daily dollar. His room is not finished from the swap. He still has boxes and bags all over and therefore cannot earn the money. He’s aware and he worked on it today after school. But the great thing is that I don’t have to bug him about it. He’ll eventually get it done because sooner or later it will bother him that his sister and brothers are making money while he is not. No stress for me. No struggle. I just take the dollar and close the door. 

Many of you have told me you’re going to do the 12-Month Challenge with me. Keep me posted. Let me know how it’s going! Let’s encourage each other along the way, shall we?

Love,

rebekah

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012

I’m Robbing My Kids

Posted on by
9

Recently I started reading “Cleaning House, A Mom’s 12 Month Experiment to Rid her House of Youth Entitlement” by Kay Wills Wyma and I’m inspired. I’m only a few chapters in but I wanted to get started in September so I’m jumping into my own 12-month experiment without yet knowing the end-game.

But here’s the gist: Most kids these days walk around with a sense of entitlement. I have literally heard from one of my cherubs, after I asked him to clean up his dishes, “But you’re the mom, that’s your job.” Yeah. Now, I am not someone who has always done everything for my kids. I am the kind of mom who works to train up independent kids who can do for themselves. My teens do their own laundry, budget their money and buy their own clothes, pay for their cell phones and monthly charges, etc. I don’t do homework or projects for my kids. I only help them if they really need help and then I only help, I don’t do it for them. Our home is not one that revolves around the kids and while they know they are loved, they also know they are not the center of the universe. Still…there is some amount of laziness and entitlement that resides in their precious little hearts.

This is what Kay Wills Wyma had discovered in her children as well and she set out to do something about it. I identify with her in many ways. She’s a self-proclaimed, “mother of five, a recovering enabler, finagler, procrastinator, and charter member of the Women’s Auxiliary for the Organizationally-Challenged.” Yeah, I totally relate. I think I’m all those things (except the mother of five part…I’m a mother of four).

In a car-pool epiphany she realized her children didn’t know how to do basic things like thoroughly clean a bathroom, change sheets, and make (and clean up after) a full meal. She realized it was her job to teach them these things rather than do these things for them. And most importantly, she realized that by doing too many things for her kids (often because it’s easier and with better results) she was robbing her kids of the satisfaction of knowing they were capable. She was subconsciously telling them, “I don’t think you can do it.”  Wow. That really hit me. How many times do I step in and do things because I can do them better and quicker? What message am I sending my eight yr. old when I take over his task because I’m in a hurry? Ouch. I am robbing my kids!

I had never looked at it that way before but it’s very accurate. And I’m not doing it any more. I’ve been very conscious of it with my younger two, since reading about Wyma’s epiphany. It takes a re-training of my brain but I’m going to change my approach because I want my kids to know that they can tackle tough challenges and I don’t want them to work at something half-heartedly while waiting on a rescue from me!

So this month is the first of our 12-month experiment. Here’s a picture of the 12 things Kay Wyma decided to focus on with her crew. Mine may look different but I’m starting with bedrooms, just like she did.

Excerpt from pg. 11 of Cleaning House by Kay Wyma

This month, each of my kids will get a jar in their rooms with 30 one-dollar bills in it. (You can amend this to the ages of your kids, by the way. I won’t be paying for anything for my kids, they will have to use their newfound money to buy snacks, movie tickets, etc. so I don’t mind shifting that money from my budget into this “program.” But you could do quarters for small kids, etc.)

The focus for September is simple. Before they leave for school, their beds should be made and all clutter off their floors. If those things are not accomplished, I will take their dollar for that day. (They don’t get to spend their money till the end of the month, btw.)

Next month is on cooking and cleaning the kitchen. The kids will be responsible for cooking on a few nights a week. They will have to plan for their recipes, shop, cook and clean. This will be in addition to still keeping their rooms clean so if they don’t keep up with both tasks, they will again lose their daily dollar.

That’s as far as I’ve gotten. I don’t know what the rest will entail but I’ll keep you all posted on our progress. And I hope some of you will join me. Let me know if you’re going to take the 12-month challenge with me! 

I, for one, am actually very excited about this. I feel like it gives me tangible ways to be a better mom and I can use all the help I can get! Thanks for reading!

Love,

rebekah

Updates – Further posts on the Twelve Month Experiment:

 -True Self-Esteem

-One Month Down

-Mom Gets an F

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012

What kind of animal are you?

Posted on by
5

Okay, that title is a multiple choice question, not a rhetorical one. What kind of animal are you? Here are your choices:

  1. Lion
  2. Otter
  3. Golden Retriever
  4. Beaver

Now, if you’re jumping out of your seat right now with your hand waving in the air, saying, “Oooh, tell me which one I am!!” you can take a seat. You’re an Otter.

If you’d like more time to think this over and more specific details about the animals, you’re probably a Beaver.

If you’re waiting patiently for me to tell you which one you are, you’re probably a Golden Retriever.

And if you think this list is silly and you’d rather use your own list, you’re probably a Lion.

 

While that was not a scientific experiment, and no one is strictly all one personality type, it is interesting to see how similar we can be to the personality profiles that are out there. The one I’m highlighting today is from a children’s book by Gary Smalley and John Trent called, The Treasure Tree. My son, “Seven” and I read it last week and I was amazed how quickly he figured out which animals were represented in our family and circle of friends.

The story follows four animals (you guessed it): A lion, otter, beaver and golden retriever who are best friends heading out on an adventure to find a treasure tree. Four keys must be found and each of the different personalities comes in handy to help find the keys.

It’s a great way to introduce young children to the concept of personality styles. I love the idea of kids learning about this because I desperately wish I had understood it at a younger age. I think it would have helped me to be more secure in who I was and not as easily intimidated by people with different personalities.

You may not be familiar with these particular personality styles so I’ll give a quick overview. (For today, I’m using the animal names used in the Treasure Tree but in parenthesis, I’ll indicate the corresponding personality style from the popular DiSC profile.) Keep in mind, most people are a combination of two or three of the styles, with one or two being the most predominant. For example, I’m a Golden Retriever-Otter with some Lion thrown in for good measure. As you read through the characteristics, I bet people will automatically come to mind for each animal.

Lion (Direct)

Lions are extroverts who are task oriented. They are leaders, partly because they enjoy being in control. They love a challenge and they expect people to follow them and do things their way. They make decisions quickly, without showing any fear. They have to be careful that they don’t come across as arrogant and unyielding.

Otter (Influential)

Otters are extroverts who are people oriented. They love to talk and they’re the life of the party. You know it when they walk into a room because they make their presence known, often speaking or laughing loudly. They are fun and spontaneous, playful and enthusiastic. On the down-side they tend to be disorganized, chronically late and have difficulty focusing on tasks. They despise details.

Golden Retriever (Steady)

Retrievers are introverts who are people oriented. They are kind and compassionate. They like security and enjoy a small group of close friends. They make others feel welcomed and loved. They are great listeners and are loyal friends. They avoid conflict and change, preferring to keep the status quo. They can be stubborn and they don’t like to try new things.

Beaver (Cautious)

Beavers are introverts who are task oriented. They are organized and they love the details, always asking lots of questions. They finish what they start. They can be very creative and inventive. They like order and predicability. They have to be careful not to be too critical of others or expect others to live up to their high personal standards.

 

If you’re a mom, I’ll bet you can see your kids in some of those descriptions. I literally have one of each. And it helps me to know that my Golden Retriever-Beaver doesn’t want to sing in the school musical because it’s just not how he’s wired. I have some Otter in me so I like to be on stage and for a while, I truly couldn’t understand why he preferred to be on the stage crew, behind the scenes. I just thought he needed more encouragement to get out on the stage. But as I applied what I know about personality styles I realized that he has no Otter in him so it’s completely understandable that he doesn’t want to be the center of attention.

On the other hand, I have an Otter who never stops talking. Every day, when he gets home from school, he asks who he can go play with. Every day! His social calendar exhausts me. And while I set limits because I can’t allow “play-dates” every day, I understand that being social is hard-wired for him. He thrives on social interaction. Knowing that helps me put more effort into arranging for friends to come over.

How about you? Do you see yourself in these descriptions? Do you see your kids, spouse or friends? Learning more about how the personality styles interact can be incredibly beneficial in all your relationships. I could probably write 5 more posts on this subject, there is so much to talk about (there’s the Otter in me, coming out again.) But for now, I’ll just give you a couple resources. For a free, printable personality test from Gary Smalley, click here. For a free test highlighting the DiSC profile method, click here. (In linking you to these online tests, I am not endorsing those particular websites. I am an Otter, not a Beaver and therefore I have not looked at all the pages on those websites, so click at your own risk ;) )

One last thought…the Golden Retriever in me is feeling a little sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I have my first book signing on Saturday (click here for more info). The idea of the unknown…having to talk to strangers…all of that is so uncomfortable! But the Otter in me is jumping up and down saying, “Hey! Come to my book signing on Saturday! It’s from 1-3 pm and there will be chocolate!” So, if you’re available you can come comfort the Golden or celebrate with the Otter. Either way, I hope to see you there!

Love,

rebekah

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012

Practice Being Present

Posted on by
Reply

Photo Credit-Rory Finneren, Creative Commons

Wow…anyone else out there have whiplash from the last two weeks of the school year? (For my southern friends, I know your kids have been done for a while…so just think back a few weeks.) It seems like the end of the year is so jam-packed with in-school events plus sporting events at night that I feel like I can’t keep up. But then this blessed, last day of school arrives and I breathe a sigh of relief.

I love summer vacation. I fully realize I may not be saying this a week from now. I may begin counting down the days until the first day of school in the fall. But for now, I’m looking forward to sleeping in, relaxed days and my kiddos getting to see their dad every day. He works evenings so during the school year he sees them so little.

I see them every day so I often forget that he only sees them on Thursday nights, Saturday mornings and Sundays. Summer is the time when we feel more like a family. We can eat meals together daily, play games, work on household projects…all as a family. Right now, when I look at my July calendar, all I see is a bunch of white squares. I love that feeling! I know that within a few days those squares will start filling up. But for now…for this weekend…I’m going to enjoy the first weekend of summer vacation. I’m not going to stress about anything. I’m not going to think about what to write on my blog or worry about my to-do list.

I’m not saying there’s nothing on the schedule for the weekend. There are plenty of things planned. But I’m going to be intentional about enjoying each thing while it’s happening…not cluttering my mind with everything else that I need to do. I’m going to practice being present. That means I’m going to put my cell phone in my purse, rather than its usual resting place in the palm of my hand. I’m going to look at my children when they are speaking to me, not just mumble an answer while I check my email. I may even play a card game or two.

How about you? Are you excited for the summer vacation or do you dread it? Are you good at being present with your kids or are you like me; very distracted and overwhelmed? How about you take the weekend off with me? Practice being present and just enjoy whatever you have planned!

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012